then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
