from now on my penis is your penis
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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