it wasn't lemon gatorade
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
