Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
