i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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