Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
