Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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