every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
