i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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