i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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