Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize