If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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