I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
