Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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