I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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