The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize