after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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