Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
