Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
