I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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