Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think my fart just growled at me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
