i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize