youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
