She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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