id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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