Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
