for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
