I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
