I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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