Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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