i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
