Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
