Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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