Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
