Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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