I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
