white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
