After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
