Moan for me like Helen Keller
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
