I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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