i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
