i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
