I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize