thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
17 year olds will be the death of me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
