i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
