There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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