hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
