Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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