I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
