i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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