Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
soo... how was my night?
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