Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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