i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
