If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Two words: blizzard sex
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
