6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
