Too much gin, very little bucket
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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