there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
