You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
