Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dick very happy bro
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
