im about as happy as oj after his trial
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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