i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
