Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
